I am ecstatic right now.
We had our first official production meeting last night where we were lining up our crew. Nearly everyone invited showed up. There were a few that did not, but it was a 90% attendance improvement from our Auditions which were disappointingly half empty.
Everyone seems really excited to help us out on this project, we are connecting with resources we did not know we had. IT seems to be rolling along quite well, but I am no fool to think that everything will be perfect. Ultimately we will run into flakers, arguments, and tedious and unnecessary bullshit. But, my life has never been much of a smoothly running machine. In fact, I'm sure that I quite enjoy the interspersed turmoil as a cardiac arrest patient would enjoy an electric shock. Life-giving with just the hint of pain.
Outside of the production, I believe I may have gained employment at the local Movie Gallery pending the results of this afternoon's 4 o clock interview. I remain at the Kent Cooper Room with something short of disdain for my co-workers. But that should most undoubtedly be attributed to my meager wage and my frustration with tedious tasks.
I have 15 dollars in my bank account right now, but am surprisingly unfettered by this seemingly controlling substance. There's not much that I need to purchase at this time, save the occasional Rockstar or Slushee which I could usually manage by extracting change from the deep recesses of my car, bed, closet, and couch. My quitting smoking has also allowed for a sense of unburdenment.
I probably need to be paying more attention to England, but I am a bit to excited about production to do that. I talked to my mom on the phone last night. It was quite unpleasant. I was trying to be my usual jovial, joking self, but she seemed a bit too exhausted to handle it. It was of course, mostly my fault for being a spoiled self-centered child. (When I found out my sister's bridal shower was on June 28th-- the 5th year anniversary of Taylor's death and the date of a coinciding show in Bloomington-- I kind of freaked out, like "Why does it have to be that day? That's Taylor's day.") She fell back into appeasing me with an obvious sarcasm that left me raging. I must find a photographer for Meghan's wedding. They want me to go home, then drive to Goshen in search of my schizophrenic friend Abe, which is more than likely a lost cause. But I must find him. Sometimes I wish that I did not have family. There's is a forced bond. If I could only tell them the chaotic stress that these things will be causing me, but I can't because then I am a disloyal daughter and a betraying sister, even though I am only trying to be a human being with my own prerogative, just as they are most of the time. I feel that it is only in stressful times like the upcoming wedding that they (as would I) take advantage of that arresting familial bond. So I feel obligated to do these things, even though my resources are scare to non-existent and my mental health would probably call for my refusal.
But alas, we must be born into this world in one way or another, and unfortunately I am of no divine origin.
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